Speak the Truth in Love

by Mitchel Plaisted

Imagine I am part of a group of friends driving to the top of a mountain. One of my friends, seeing me from their vehicle halfway up the mountain, observes that I am heading the wrong way, away from the mountain, and directly in front of me is a cliff that I am about 30 seconds from flying off to my death. Now, I happen to be on the phone with that friend and have just finished telling him that I am on my way up the mountain and should catch up to him shortly. If that friend loves me, will they say something like this? “Sounds good, I see you, and you are doing great!” or perhaps, “That is not the way I would get to the top of the mountain, but we all have to find our own way.” No! If that friend loves me, they will interrupt me, yelling, “Stop! Turn around! You are about to drive off a cliff!” They will do this because they love me and do not want to see me die.

Recently, during a message I was giving before the student ministry at our local church, I used the previous analogy (we were talking about 1 John 5:16-17 and 1 Corinthians 5:3-5). In response, one of the students asked me a question that was something along the lines of: “How do we do that without pushing people away from Jesus?” My response was to explain how I believe truth and love fit together in Ephesians 4:15, which states, “But speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in all aspects into Him who is the head, even Christ,” So how do we speak the truth in love?

SPEAKING THE TRUTH WITHIN THE CHURCH

It is appropriate to call out the sin of a fellow believer only when the sin is of a public and/or unrepentant nature, as is shown by the example given in 1 Corinthians 5. Also, it must be the church, together under the authority of the proper leaders, who does this, not merely an individual believer. Do not run around calling out sin in the lives of others as a pastime! For further reading, read 1 John 5:16-17, Matthew 7:1-5, Matthew 18:15-18, 1 Corinthians 5.

Before we get to the details of my answer, I want to lay a foundation so that it can be properly understood.

THE GOAL

A goal of the church should be to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which we have been called. We know that we are to be unified in that call, that is the upward call of God in Christ Jesus, for there is one body of Christ, and one Holy Spirit, one Lord, one faith, one baptism, one God and Father of all who is over all and through all and in all. We have been given apostles, prophets, evangelists, pastors, and teachers. All for the equipping and building up of the Church of Jesus Christ in the unity of the faith, knowledge and maturity, as is pleasing in the eyes of our Lord. (See Ephesian 5 and Philippians 3)

The result of this ought to be the church no longer being tossed here and there by every wind of doctrine or trickery, craftiness, and deceit. Rather, we are to speak the truth in love, growing up in all aspects into Christ.

The goal is to be of sound doctrine and understanding, unified in Christ, and a piece of that is to be able to speak the truth in love.

AN OBSTACLE

People make things difficult. There are lots of reasons why, but one of them (I would say the biggest) is sin. This is especially true when part of our mission is to be the light of the world. From my experience, it is often a “christian” institution or person who is not acting in a manner coherent with biblical teaching that is at the heart of the reasons some back away from the faith, as well as many of the divisions within the church.

This means that if the church is to achieve the inward goal of being unified in Christ or the outward goal of being the light of the world, it is in the best interest of the church to address the issue of public and unrepentant sin. It is my belief that this has been an issue for the entirety of the church’s existence. Just look at the tone of some of the books of the New Testament. Also, today’s American culture is no exception, as the West slowly forsakes Christian morals and declares public sin not only okay but a cultural good.

In order to be healthy, the body of Christ must be able to confront sin and, when necessary, “remove the wicked man from among [our]selves.”

The question the student asked me now arises. How do we address sin without pushing people away from Jesus?

THE EXAMPLE OF CHRIST

So often, I hear speaking the truth in love presented as a balancing act where we moderate both until we find the right balance. Often, the goal ends up being something like softening the truth you speak a little to make it more loving so that the listeners do not run away. However, I see the call to speak the truth in love as not a balancing act but rather a call to be two types of extremes simultaneously.

When Jesus spoke, He did not water things down. He often said what was true to the confusion and dismay of those who heard His words. One example would be John 6, where after Jesus said: “I am the living bread that came down out of heaven; if anyone eats of this bread, he will live forever; and the bread also which I will give for the life of the world is My flesh.” and later on . . . “Truly, truly, I say to you, unless you eat the flesh of the Son of Man and drink His blood, you have no life in yourselves. He who eats My flesh and drinks My blood has eternal life, and I will raise him up on the last day. For My flesh is true food, and My blood is true drink. He who eats My flesh and drinks My blood abides in Me, and I in him. As the living Father sent Me, and I live because of the Father, so he who eats Me, he also will live because of Me. This is the bread which came down out of heaven; not as the fathers ate and died; he who eats this bread will live forever.”

In response to His words, it was said:  . . . “This is a difficult statement; who can listen to it?” and “As a result of this many of His disciples withdrew and were not walking with Him anymore.”

Some other examples would be Jesus’ statement that He would tear down this temple and rebuild it in three days or Him publicly forgiving sins. It is clear if you read the gospels that Jesus did not water down the truth He spoke.

Now, while we are speaking of Jesus, let us think about how he was loving to those He interacted with. In fact, before you read any further, try to think of a few examples of how Jesus showed His love.

Are the examples you thought of words or actions? Jesus did show His love with some words, but it was primarily shown through actions. John 3:16 does not read: “For God so loved the world that He said, ‘I love you.” It says, “For God so loved the world that He gave His only Son. . .” The primary way Jesus demonstrated His love for us was through His death and resurrection. Love is primarily shown through actions, not words. If I were to say “I love you” to my wife but then punch her in the face, would you think I love her? Or what if I said nothing but spent my life protecting and providing for her? It is clear to anyone, with any sense, that the second scenario is one where love is demonstrated more accurately, shown. (Hint: It is a good idea to say “I love you” to your wife in addition to showing your love through your actions.)

We are to speak the truth clearly, even if it is hard to hear. However, we are to love just as our Savior has first loved us.

THE IMPORTANCE OF SPEAKING THE TRUTH IN LOVE

Failing to speak the truth in love, even when it is hard, can have real consequences within the Body of Christ. There are lots of stories I could tell, but there is one I heard that I find particularly sad. There was a person who was involved in a ministry with another family. The person had some concerns about some bad theology that the family appeared to be connected with. Although they attempted to apply Matthew 18:15-18, they did not operate in truth and love the way they could have. Furthermore, the pastor of the person’s local church, who had been advising them, did not stand up to bring a resolution even though he was also involved in the ministry. This eventually led to the ministry being severely damaged, as well as such strong division within the local church that it was still suffering terrible effects a decade later. Interestingly, the person was not wrong about their initial concerns. However, because the person involved did not speak the truth in love, the outcome was very negative.

I have also seen what can happen when the truth is spoken in love. One of the clearest examples in my life was when I began to court my wife. Because of childhood trauma, her picture of what a healthy family should look like was warped. When we began talking about what a possible family might look like, the idea of “healthy” relationships seemed foreign and uncomfortable to her. It was the fact that the truth of what could and should be was spoken alongside clear unconditional love that helped her to step out of brokenness and heal not only her image of a healthy family but also begin to mend her image of who God the Father is.

THE ANSWER

The answer to the question, then, is this. If we love them, we must speak the truth to them. To not do this would be to lie, and that is not love. However, we are to speak the truth in love. Notice that it is not “with love” as in, speak true words with some loving words sprinkled in, but rather “in love.” Just as Jesus showed us by the way He lived His life, we are to love our brothers and sisters in the faith. This love is not meant to be with word or with tongue but rather in deed and truth (1 John 3). Loving in this way is hard, but it is real. That real love is what will make those around us be able to heed the true words we speak.

This verse primarily applies to those within the church, but the idea of speaking the truth while loving it in this way also aids us in evangelism. When we share the gospel, we are presenting an entirely different way to live and a King to follow. It is important for us to show them the love of Christ as part of the presentation of His gospel.

Let us go forth speaking the truth of the Gospel of Jesus Christ, all the while loving those we encounter, clearly demonstrating the love our Lord has for the lost and declaring that He is the way, the truth, and the life!

RESOURCES

All scripture quoted from 1995 NASB https://www.lockman.org/permission-to-quote-copyright-trademark-information/